Sunday 5th October 2014: The End.

****WARNING - Miscarriage mentioned in detail and may be upsetting to some people**** After the confirmation of our missed miscarriage on Friday we consoled ourselves with tears, sweets, Frankie and Bennys, KFC, and lots of films. On Sunday morning we arrived at the hospital full of anxiety. I had prepared well by painting my toe nails, shaving my legs, and making sure my soon to be exposed lady garden was nice and tidy. I had a hospital bag with useful things and a fake smile of confidence on my face. We arrived inside the building and went for a wee - the nerves were bad! Then we started the hunt for the ward. Within two minutes we were lost in the warren or corridors and I thought I had wet myself. Stopping at a nearby toilet I realised I hadn't wet myself, I was bleeding. It was red. There was a lot of it. It arrived within 5 minutes of entering the building. Putting a pad in my pants we re-commenced our hunt. Within 2 minutes blood was running down my leg. We stopped again and I found that it wasn't just blood but also large clots. I added another pad and we again continued our hunt. The tears started to flow as heavy as the blood. Fortunately a lady patient saw me, took one look at me and said "next right, one floor up, turn left." I will forever be thankful to that lady. I felt that she sadly knew exactly how I was feeling at that moment. We arrived on the ward and were told to take a seat in the waiting room - until someone realised that blood was pooling at the floor and that I probably would be better out of the way. I was helped to undress, sat on a pad, and generally really well looked after by a team of Health Care Assistants and Nurses. It was a good job because I couldn't lift my arms and could barely talk. The Doctor came in and examined me. He confirmed that I was probably having a miscarriage but there was no point in testing the material because there was nothing there at this stage of pregnancy. Thanks for that. I was placed in a private room at the end of the corridor away from the women with babies. I was given codeine and paracetamol and big nappies. Every wee had to be examined in a bed pan. I was kept nil by mouth other than sips of water. I was left in peace. The pain was bad, but I have endometriosis, I am used to pain. The bleeding was horrific, it came in waves for a few hours. The clots were bad. My baby was leaving me and my body was pushing him out. A few hours later things got easier. The pain got under control with the codeine. The bleeding slowed. The Nurse said the worst was over - I had lost a lot of blood so it was probably a complete miscarriage. We waited for the Doctor. We waited for a blood test. We waited for a scan. We waited 6 hours and then we had knock on the door - it was was the tea lady and she came bearing gifts: dinner, ice cream, fruit, orange juice and coffee. I told her I wasn't allowed anything - she checked and came back and said "no you can, they said they have removed your nil by mouth status." We ate like we have never eaten before. Then we waited. By the time the nurse shift change had happened we had a new nurse - turns out we had been forgotten. It was too late for a blood test now. It was too late for a scan. We would have to wait until after 10pm for a Doctor: that's 11 hours since we saw a Doctor when we arrived. They were considering keeping me in but I have codeine at home, I have pads at home, I have the X Factor on tape at home. Besides, according to the nurse, the miscarriage was probably over now because the bleeding had settled down and I wasn't crying in pain anymore. They sent me home with an appointment for a weeks time and a number to call if I have any problems. We arrived home 12 hours after we left feeling drained and lost without our tiny little black hole of nothing.